Hi Brian, 2nd point first, your’e right, it’s not good to get the load on the motor bearings so a tiny amount of longditudinal play is needed. I go for the least that ensures free play of the shaft.
Lubrication is a theme that will get you many different answers. Many modelers use oil, the grade isn’t important in many models unless you are going for maximum power transmition. A favourite method is to put in an oiling tube, a tube soldered into a hole drilled into the shaft tube just behind the coupling. This allows easy oiling.
I have stopped useing oil because polution is a big deal these days, I prefer silicon grease, a small tub from a plumbers merchant will last for years and is cheap. The only downside it that it absorbs a small amount of power from the motor but this isn’t important to me. Last point, a little is enough with any grease. a solidly packed tube will absorb a lot of power and can strain the motor.
I hope that helps, you’ll probably get some more answers now with other ideas.
Chas